I have been meeting new people a lot lately. When I tell them about LetsBSocial, the first question they ask me is "Is it a dating site?" I answer "No!" The second question many ask is, "Is it about telling people to stay single and NOT get married?" I answer "Absolutely not!".
LetsBSocial is about singles empowerment, but it's not about the replacement of marriage with singlehood. Every individual is unique, and that uniqueness is accompanied by individual lifestyle preferences. It's about making the best of one's social and professional situation until the day that the right person comes along, IF that's what one wants. It's about being happy with oneself while single and the ability to continue to be one's own separate entity as well as half of a tight team of two.
I'm all for marriage. I was married once and for a long time. Since then, I have been single for a long time. It was hard to adjust, and it took a long time to do so. I am glad that I took that time to find myself again. It's an evolutionary journey I wouldn't have wanted to undertake if I had been married to someone or even in a committed relationship. But that's easy to say because I had already been married, and it's also more a thing of the past. My journey continues, but in a different way. The journey continues to be an evolutionary one, but I feel that my "self" has strengthened tremendously, and my self confidence has returned. All that happened due to learning new skills, acquiring knowledge, and other forms of self improvement. If I were to meet someone now, down the line I would perhaps be more prepared to consider a committed relationship or marriage, if that is what I wanted and had the time for.
The tough part is between point A and point B. Point A being the time of the drastic life change and B the time that one has fully recovered one's "self" and happy with the result. It's very tempting to seek a quick fix to one's life situation when vulnerable and alone. Naturally not everyone does, or at least not everyone acts upon such impulses. But some do. If you are one of them, think before you act. Is the person or situation right for you? Or are you acting out of desperation? If you stop and ask yourself why you want to commit to a relationship or a situation, listen to yourself honestly. The result may surprise you. Maybe the person or situation IS right. On the other hand, maybe it's not. Your gut will tell you the truth. Listen to it. Don't let others pressure you into making hasty or wrong decisions. Work on expanding your real social networks, connections, and acquaintances. Is your skill set outdated? If so, update it. Have you ignored your passion or true path in life till now? Do you know what it is? If not, find it. Improve upon and strengthen your situation. In the process, if you keep your eyes and ears open, you will also come across like minded folk you might end up developing strong lasting relationships with. They could end up comprising your new peer group. Remember that it takes time to develop strong relationships with others, so you need to be patient with yourself and others. Just as you need to be patient with meeting the right life partner. Keep busy, but not just for the sake of being busy. Keep busy toward specific goals that fit with your background, personality, and sense of fulfillment. The rest will fall into place.
So then why do I pose the question "To marry or not to marry"? In the end, and in the beginning for some, it's important to define what your long term priorities are. Are children most important to you? Is a successful career most important to you? Perhaps both are? If they are, how will you pull off both? Perhaps a bit of compromise is initially necessary in one area in order for the other to happen. These are all questions we should ask ourselves at the outset of adulthood, and when applicable, when we have undergone a drastic life change.
LetsBSocial focuses on dealing with drastic life change, but it can also apply to proactively preparing oneself for such changes. We believe that ultimately only you can decide what is right for you. Our role is to provide the framework to help you get there.
This post was originally published on the LetsBSocial Singles Community and Support Network Blog January 18, 2015.